So, I had a security breach on my old blog and I had to shut the damn thing down very quickly. Now I’m “Just a Spoonful of Serotonin” because, as most of you who read me know serotonin saved my life. Alright, maybe it didn’t actually save my life like a St. Bernard with a cask, but it has rescued me from the brink of insanity. How do I know this? Well, let me give you some examples.
My sister called me on Monday to tell me that her oncologist discovered what she thinks are calcifications in the same breast that she had breast cancer in over 5 years ago. Doc told her that it is normal for someone who has had radiation on the breast to develop calcifications, but they still want to do a biopsy on August 9th.
My son’s wife’s 53-year-old father died in very mysterious circumstances on Monday afternoon. He was found dead in his car with the windows rolled up in 100 degree weather.
My estranged younger brother called me to tell me that he thinks his throat cancer has returned and that he and his girlfriend have chosen me to tell about it – I guess as a family go-between. He wouldn’t give me any information over the phone – he wants to meet with me this weekend.
Had I received all of this information prior to taking eFfexor, I would have retreated to the dark and dreary world of the “Joan Zone” and crapped and cried my way through the week. Because I am taking the magic beans, I was able to sit quietly and absorb the info., and then respond appropriately to the situation. No shitting – just thinking. No crying – just planning how to help in these three situations.
You might ask, “JJ, is your whole family this freaking crazy?”, and I would respond with just one anecdote that would prove that yes, Virginia, we are all crazy.
On Monday night, my 79-year-old mother decided she wanted to watch “Gidget” on “On Demand”. Halfway through the show, she decided to turn it off. She pushed STOP on the remote but forgot to push EXIT. My 83-year-old father then tried to watch one of his old westerns or World War II movies and couldn’t figure out how to get back to the regular cable channel.
He started pushing all the buttons on the remote and succeeded in really screwing up the TV. He tried to fix it for over an hour and then took an AtivAn and went to bed. The next morning he started calling Comcast at 6:00 and tried to get one of the non-English speaking reps to talk him through the remote repair over the phone.
My mother made him hang up when she heard him shouting, “God Dammit, I’m 83 years old – I can’t move the TV out and unplug it for three minutes and then plug it back in!”
He then called my house at 7:30 and extracted a promise from my daughter that she would fix the TV right after work at 5:15 PM – almost 12 hours away.
By lunch time he called my mother at work and had worked himself into such a frenzy that he told her he was having chest pains. My mom had to have a co-worker drive her to the pharmacy to refill my father’s nitroglycerin prescription. She then went home – slipped a tablet under his tongue – threw another AtivAn at him and then…..this part cracks me up….went right back to work.
My daughter went right to their place after work and fixed the TV in under a minute.
Now, any normal person would be upset about the TV not working, but not work themselves up into such a dither that they needed nitroglycerin!!! That’s my family for you! We’re all crazy – and the really scary part of this whole story is that my dad is on the same dosage of EfFexor that I take. I’m thinking he needs to up his dosage.