How the Biotch Stole Christmas

I decorated my cubicle at work today.  I have my army of snowmen patrolling the shelves.  I stapled Christmas fabric on two of the walls and a Christmas house flag on another wall.  I then hung a Christmas wreath scattered with snowmen on the wall next to my invisible door.  It looks utterly festive and horrific at the same time!

Everyone acts like I’m crazy when it comes to decorating my cubicle, but if I don’t decorate, my coworkers start bugging me. 

“Hey JJ, where are all the snowmen?” or “Uh oh, someone has decided to be Scrooge this year!”

Pains in my asses or as Kathy says, “Asshats”.

So let me tell you what’s been going on in the land of Popeye.  The Sea Hag is back to her old tricks.  That biotch is craaaazy!  She called me on Sunday to complain to me about Popeye.  She told me that he has kept money from her and that they are going to be evicted from their home.  She said he never pays for anything for the kids and her mother is buying all the kids’ clothes.  She was cursing and dropping the F bomb like it was her job.

She then threw the phone at him and of course he was furious.  He said he gives her his entire paycheck and that they are not being evicted.  He works in the car industry and I know they aren’t making any money because Hub is in the same industry and in the same situation.

I told him to put her back on the phone.  She just kept cursing at him and then suddenly my phone just shut down.  I was in my car, so I plugged it in and texted her that I was running into Target and I would call her when I got out.  When I tried to call her back an hour later, she didn’t pick up. I left her a message to try to stay calm and to call me back.

Since then Popeye told me she has called him every name in the book of bi-polar craziness.  She called her own mother a Fat-Fu*K because her mother told her to stop screaming.  She called Popeye a Fat fagg*t.  (I have to assume that the word “fat” is her favorite adjective).  She left the house and her last words were, “I’m going to go kill myself – the next time you see my face, I’ll be in a casket.”

She then ran out of the house and disappeared for two days.  She came home last night and told Popeye that she was going to look at three apartments this morning.  Unfortunately, she couldn’t because this morning she called Popeye screaming because …OK,  I’m trying not to let you see the smile on my face…

…her car (which she pays for and he is not allowed to drive) was repossessed for non-payment.  Her mother then asked my son if I would give the Sea Hag the money ($750.00)to get the car back. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“FAT” chance of that happening!

In the meantime, I sent four more tubs of formula down to Swee’Pea II and a chocolate Advent calendar to Swee’Pea I.

As the Grinch (Jim Carrey)  said, “Fetch me my sedatives – that oughta take care of those pesky memories.”


About JJ

“"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.'” William Butler Yeats
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5 Responses to How the Biotch Stole Christmas

  1. twisterjester says:

    Oh, for pity’s sake. Some people shouldn’t be permitted to drive. Or have a phone. Or screech without benefit of a strait jacket. And maybe a muzzle. Yeesh.

    If this young woman is legitimately mentally ill, I hope she gets the health she clearly needs. If she’s just a biotch, I hope she gets a healthy dose of attitude adjustment from the universe, preferably soon.

    • JJ says:

      Her entire family including my son are terrified of her. When she goes off, she goes off and pukes ugliness onto everyone. I just wish she would disappear – I don’t wish her any harm, I just wish she would disappear!

      • twisterjester says:

        How sad. I hope for her sake somewhere along the way she actually gets a clue. Unfortunately people like her rarely pay attention to clues sent their way, since a clue might actually harm her. She could fall off her ego, and that’s a long way down.

  2. Lordy. She’s just precious for an asshat, isn’t she?

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