Only two xanax needed to be consumed in the making of this Christmas memory.
They arrived a day later than they had originally told me they were coming because of an ugly fight they had. My son called me on Wednesday night and said, “Mom, we’re not coming because she says that I’m a fu*king idiot and she hates me and wants a divorce”.
I was actually relieved because I figured we could then have a relaxing holiday so I went to work on Thursday morning with a little spring in my step. Around 10:00 a.m. he texted me to say they were getting ready to leave to come up to PA and they should be in around 4:00.
Let the celebration begin!!!!! (ahem)
My biggest impression from the whole visit is about the Sea Hag. That girl can sleep. Unfortunately, she always chose to sleep in the recliner in my livingroom, buried under blankets. All of us were constantly tiptoeing through the room and shushing Swee’Pea #1 so as not to disturb the sleeping princess who wore clothes that were embellished with horrible pictures of zombies. She also has piercings on her face and an upside-down “U” sticking out of her nose.
She went out with her cousin on Christmas night to some biker bar a couple of towns over and got so drunk she slept ALL DAY on December 26. ALL DAY IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LIVINGROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I spent a lot of time with Swee’Pea #1. We watched movies in my bedroom while eating cookies and milk. We took a walk to the park around the corner as the snow just started to fall and I pushed her in the swing while we sang silly songs.
We read lots of books and I drew all kinds of pictures for her on her new-fangled Etch-o-Sketch contraption thingee.
I gave her two baths and we practiced the sounds that every farm animal makes.
I discovered that neither Popeye nor the Sea Hag have any idea of what to do with either of those kids. Their combined goal is to keep both Swee’Peas QUIET so that the Sea Hag can sleep and he can watch stupid movies. My TV was on for 96 straight hours!!!
And Swee’Pea II? That baby always has a bottle in his mouth. No wonder he’s so fricken’ big and they call him “The Fat Man”. Someone was always feeding him or holding him while he slept. They don’t believe in play pens so the few times he was allowed to take a breath and stop sucking on that bottle, they put him on the floor where he attempted to eat everything that his mother had just dropped from her constant snacking.
Because of the snow storm they stayed a day longer than they had originally planned to stay. I tried to make the best of it and made Popeye’s favorite dinner (shepherd’s pie) and we watched a bunch of old home movies.
But friends, I gotta tell you, I was ready for all of them to get the hell out of here on Monday. I started gathering all of their belongings and putting them on my dining room table – I figured they could then easily pack everything from one central location. She got angry and told Popeye that I was rushing her. Well, damn girl, I guess any motion on your part would be considered rushing seeing as how all you did was lay in that chair for 4 days!!!!
Oh and did I forget to mention that all of us had colds with racking coughs?
So, on a scale of one to ten, I would have to rate this visit a 6. We got to spend time with our grandchildren but we also are very disappointed in our son and his wife for how they are raising those babies.
On the day after they left, she texted me to tell me that she thinks Popeye is doing drugs and that she is going to call the police and his employer and tell them. Then Popeye texted me and told me he was moving out of the house and moving in with a friend because she is a liar and he hates her.
I turned my phone off.