So…the crying crisis has moved along. I called VA Electric and after pushing a zillion buttons, I paid the damn electric bill (679.00). I’m sure that I will never be paid back – I’m considering it a gift (but I’m not telling Popeye that – he’s not getting away from this guilt-free).
Poor Hub – he came home from work on Saturday night around 7:30 to me – a crying, sniffling mess. I told him everything that I was upset about, and just voicing my concerns aloud was very helpful.
I also realize that I have to let my daughter move out without feeling guilty about me. I told Hub that he works so much that I have come to depend on my daughter and her beau to keep me company – and that’s not fair to her. She needs to develop her relationship with her boyfriend and begin her life with him.
I ran to the library at lunch today so that I would have something interesting to read at work when the phones are slow. I realize that when the phones aren’t ringing, I start surfing the net and that can be so boring when the firewalls block all of your favorite blogs and only allow you to read msnbc.com. Reading helps the time go by more quickly.
I started knitting a new hat – not sure if it’s going to be too big for Swee’Pea II, but if it is, I’ll just save it for the Giving Tree at work. Did I tell you about that tree? Every year, at Christmas, our company collects hats, gloves and scarves for the homeless. I really enjoy my new-found skill of knitting, so I always have something on my knitting needles to donate for the tree. It keeps me busy and it will eventually benefit someone less fortunate than I am.
I will still have to deal with the Sea Hag in two weeks when they come up for my mom’s birthday, but I’m going to focus on the joy of seeing my grandchildren. They plan to stay here from Friday the 17th through Wednesday the 22nd. I have to go back to work on Monday the 20th and I am permitting myself to not feel guilty about it . I would like to spend more time with them, but somebody needs to work to pay two families’ electric bills, right???
So, I’m trying to take control of the anxiety that threw me for a loop on Saturday. It’s so scary when I am going through it – it feels like I’m being drug through am endless, dark tunnel. I keep trying to grab on to something to keep my mind from racing but I can’t get a good foothold.
Crying, writing, your comments, efFexor and a half of a little blue xAnaX and life seems a little less scary. For those of you who understand the healing qualities of a xAnaX, thanks – for those who don’t, please don’t judge me until you’ve had one of my sweating, shaking, pooping, crying, dry heaving, choking panic attacks.