I picked Mom up from after Mass at 12:45 and drove her to the bank. We then went to the Swiss Farms which is a drive-thru dairy store here in PA.
Mom with a big smile on her face: “Here, I have my list ready.”
Young Girl: “I can’t read this.”
Mom: (a horrified gasp) “Whaaaaaaaaaaaat??!!”
Me: “Here hon, let me read it. She needs one dozen eggs, a half gal….”
Young Girl runs into the store.
Mom: “Well, I’ve always been told I have beautiful handwriting!!”
Me: “Mom, these kids don’t learn cursive in school anym…..”
Young Girl interrupts: “What’s this?”
Me: “That’s a half gallon of milk, a half gallon of caffeine-free, diet ice tea and a half gallon of oran…..”
Young Girl stomps back into store.
Mom: “I don’t understand why she can’t read my handwriting – everyone at work tells me I have beautiful handwriting…”
The car that was behind us has now backed up and driven over to the other lane. The driver is scowling at me.
Young Girl shouting from inside of store: WHAT FLAVOR YOGHURTS???
Mom shouting in my ear: ASSORTED!!!
Young Girl still shouting: “DO YOU WANT VANILLA ICE CREAM, CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM OR BOTH??”
Mom still shouting: HALF AND HALF!! (Did that really answer the above question?)
Young Girl: WE DON’T HAVE RAISIN ENGLISH MUFFINS, WE ONLY HAVE REGULAR, WHEAT….
Mom (INCREDULOUS): “YOU DON’T HAVE RAISIN????? ARE YOU SURE????”
Young Girl Screaming: “NO, WE HAVE REGULAR, WHEAT….”
Mom Bellowing: “ONE REGULAR AND DON’T FORGET MY SCRAPPLE!!!!”
Young Girl standing next to the car now with a hand on her hip: “Is that it?”
Mom (beseechingly): “Well, I know you told me last week you don’t carry them, but do you have any pies? You know, like Entenmanns’ or Tastykake pies?”
Young Girl: “We have Tastykake pies.”
Mom( getting all excited) : Big, round pies???!!!
Young girl with attitude: “No, the same pies I showed you last week and the week before. The little ones like these (showing the familiar rectangle pie).
Mom (lip curled in derision) “No, that’s not what HE wants.” (HE is my Dad)
Young Girl clearly not concerned who HE is: “Is that it?”
Mom (obviously pissed about the pie situation decides to add something that is not on the “illegible” list just for spite) “Do you have any powdered donuts?”
Young Girl (rolling her eyes) “Large or small?”
Mom (wait, was that an eye roll?) “Small”.
Young girl tallies everything up. “That’ll be 63.96”. Mom looks surprised at the amount, but comments to me that the price seems to be going up every week. She also insists I give the girl $1.00 tip for “working so hard”.
I pull out of Swiss Farms and drive over to Rite Aid. “Mom’, I say, “let me see that receipt.” I immediately see that the girl has charged Mom for four ½ gallons of vanilla/chocolate ice-cream.
I get back in line behind 2 other cars. As my car finally rolls up to the window, I see the young girl who had waited on us start to duck into the freezer. She would obviously rather deal with the blackened fingers of frost bite than deal with Mom again.
Me: “Hey, you charged my Mom for four ½ gallons of ice cream!”
Young Girl snarls, “That’s what it said on the paper.”
Me: “No, she only wanted ONE ½ gallon”.
The girl snatches the receipt and the three extra half-gallons of ice cream and stalks away muttering something about handwriting while Mom sits next to me muttering about pies.
Young Girl returns and throws $20.37 at me. As we pull away, I swear I hear the girl shout something foul at Mom while Mom waves and smiles and shouts, “See you next week!!”
I turn to Mom and say, “Mom, do you want to go to Jacquettes’ (a local bakery) and get Daddy a pie?
Mom (all wide-eyed and naïve): “Oh, Joanie, can we?? Daddy would be so happy.”
As usual, a twenty minute trip turns into an hour and a half…but at least Daddy got his pie.