Different Day, Same Wheelchair

Dad is still in the nursing home and has developed pneumonia. Not surprised – his roommate basically sleeps, snores and coughs on Dad all day long. In addition, when I visit, Dad continually asks me to turn the heat on, off, up and down. Every time I turn that blower on, I envision thousands of little Legionnaire disease carrying bugs flying into any orifice in my body trying to kill me.

Well, they haven’t killed me, but I have one hell of a cough right now.

I love my Dad so much, but I pray daily that God will take him. Is that wrong of me? Is it wrong to not want my dad to be sad, depressed, or in pain anymore? I don’t want him to have to wait 15 minutes in a line of wheelchairs to go to the bathroom. I don’t want him to think he’s been dumped in this building on a dementia unit where all I see is sorrow and despair on every face.

I’ve gone to many funerals of friends and family whose parents had died after a long, extended illness or when they were in nursing homes and naively wondered why they weren’t crying or doubled over in sorrow.

I get it now. They were just so damn relieved that their parent wasn’t suffering anymore.


About JJ

“"Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.'” William Butler Yeats
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14 Responses to Different Day, Same Wheelchair

  1. ovalgurl says:

    We are going through the same thing with FIL. Now they’ve started him on oxygen 24/7. So. A half-blind, mostly deaf scrawny wreck who can’t eat solid food and doesn’t remember who he is most of the time can spend another 10 years staggering along and keeping MIL chained to him and the house. Why? ~LA

    • JJ says:

      My mom goes to the nursing home every single day and sits with him. He hollers and cries and begs to be brought home. My heart breaks for both of them. My sister’s girlfriend (who suffered through a horrible marriage with a raging alcoholic) siad the cruelest words on earth are “To death do us part”.


  2. cocoabean says:

    It is definitely hard when your parents get old, and you can see what they need but are unable to provide it. *Hugs*

  3. Lynn says:

    I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I have to tell you though, have a 24 hour care at home is no bed of roses either…believe me I know. I lived this with Dad. It really is a quality of life issue and when you are old and really inform, there is no quality of life. It sounds trite, but it’s hard to find joy and happiness when you’re in chronic pain. Your wish for your Dad is a good one. God willing he’ll find true peace soon. Until then, stay strong and find comfort in knowing that you are truly doing the very best that you can do. xo

  4. Lynn says:

    My spelling truly isn’t as bad as it looks above. Sorry 😦

  5. Bex says:

    My inlaws were in an indepdent living apartment and they needed assistance 24/7… the company that we hired to look after them 24/7 (carers) cost them $15,000 every month! Now they have both been moved over to Skilled Nursing facilities in the same place and this is costing $24,000 every month. They will soon run out of their own money (all spent at this facility) and then the facility keeps them until they pass away at their own expense. They are both in their 90s and cannot live on their own at all. My husband came home the other day after being with his Dad and said it was the first time he’d had to wipe his bum, and that was an experience! Getting old and infirm should not happen to anyone.

    • JJ says:

      Bex, that is truly so sad. We are all living longer. Makes me want to take all of our savings and buy a house at the beach and enjoy it instead of saving for the proverbial rainy day.


  6. Terry says:

    This is one of the worst times in your life. It hurts me so to know that this is happening to you guys, Accept help when it is offered,and be happy you have friends and family who are willing to cry with you, listen to you, drink with you and help with anything you need,…….Without Tim and Peg I never would have made it, and I know that for a fact…..

    • JJ says:

      Thanks, Terry!!! What will we do when they move to Florida???!! I feel like I’ve just gotten close to them and now they’re skipping town!!

      Sent from my iPhone

  7. Judy Miller says:

    No–it is not wrong of you to feel that way. We all hope we won’t put our kids through something like that and your Dad probably feels the same way.

  8. I’m sorry you’re going through so much right now. No, it’s not wrong to wish your dad’s suffering would end. My mother died of complications of ALS. She was miserable because she couldn’t communicate, couldn’t take care of the simplest things for herself, and my dad was a beast – but he was her caretaker. It was a blessing when she was gone.

  9. herstory07 says:

    I need your email. Email me at herstory07@gmail.com. 🙂

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